de-cluttering

We've talked about clearing some of the "junk" out of my room, but for the sake of my soul and my sanity I've committed to more than that. I'm also cutting those things that are really just in the way out of my schedule so that I can more fully enjoy those activities that are actually necessary and life giving.

I've always had trouble with the word "no." I don't like to disappoint people, so I generally try to do whatever is asked of me. Part of that is a general sense of generosity, which is a great trait to have when going into a service profession like library/archives work. But another side is the more insidious need to live up to the expectations of those around me. But since the only expectations I should be worrying about are God's, I've learned in the last several years to not worry so much about ruffling a few feathers by not jumping on board every pet project a friend or classmate or even fellow church member wants help with. Really, I already have enough of my own.

This past week I left my new writing group. Don't panic--I know that seems out of character for me, but it will all make sense soon. I am still connected with my first group back home through email and face-to-face meetings whenever I'm in the state of south Dakota, so no worries about me getting disconnected from the craft. This past fall I had also joined a writing group at Park Street Church, in the hope that a local group might hold me more accountable for producing work and actively seeking publication. But this group never felt quite right. We don't all write in the same genre or for the same age level, and there is a definite disparity in the level of talent between several of the members. It also felt very rigid. We met twice a month and at each meeting discussed a new piece of writing. That meant that in addition to my grad school coursework and my own creative writing I was supposed to read and thoughtfully comment on up to 15K words every two weeks. I couldn't always keep up, and felt incredibly guilty when I wasn't prepared for a meeting or missed because of my surgery. So I gave them my apologies and cut myself loose to focus on grad school.

All this to say that I do appreciate what I did receive from the group. It was good to experience a different group dynamic and be exposed to some other styles of writing. And they gave me a true glimpse of how an agent or editor who has never heard of me may react when presented with only the first few chapters of my novel and not the whole story. They were decidedly unimpressed. I met with my home group over Christmas break and talked over their response, brainstorming ways to make the rather slow beginning move along faster and ways to introduce tension. I trust my home group enough to move forward with trying a new beginning, and now that I'm not trying to be creative on someone else's rigid schedule, the ideas are flowing a lot more smoothly. Now that I've gotten rid of the guilt, I can enjoy the truly life-giving experience of creating new worlds with my words.

-Kim