bidin' my time

I never know what day it is anymore, and it's starting to bug me. This morning I was sure it was either Friday or Wednesday, but no, it's Thursday. Darn it! Not that there's anything wrong with Thursday, but it's no fun being confused all the time.

I should be writing a chapter right now, or practicing my pit music. Actually, I've already been doing both today. But I can't really concentrate on either one at the moment. I think my brain is clogged, and getting a whole lot of thoughts out of the way might just release the pressure and allow things to run smoothly again. So here we are.

Yesterday was fun. Jesse and I randomly played a game of Scrabble. I broke 300 for the first time, which was absolutely amazing. Then when we finished we were going to dinner at the caf. While I was butting my hoodie on, Jesse randomly decides to whak me in the head, so I chased him out of the pod. And of course, we run out the door and nearly run into an admissions counselor giving a tour to a high school girl. They tried their best to ignore us, but I found it terribly funny.

I can't believe that interim is nearly over. It feels like it barely started last week, even though I've actually had nearly three and a half weeks of almost total freedom. A week form today I'll be back in class, and even though I'm excited for what I'll be taking this semester, I don't want to start those classes quite yet. I've grown to like my writer's life, and I'm not keen on giving it up. Maybe that's why I'm having trouble finding the right words right now. Maybe part of me doesn't want to finish. Well, too bad for that part, because this thing is too close now to stop. It's funny though, the timeline I have written out looks short enough, but everything takes longer than I think it will to write out. And not just timewise, but with the wordcount. Just yesterday one scene turned into four scenes boucing perspectives back and forth, and now may be its own chapter. I thought I would be writing the battle by today, but maybe not. On the other hand, it's really not that much further until the pirates attack, so maybe I could get there by tonight.

Interim break is going to be awkward. The caf isn't open, so I maybe should go home, but I need to be in town on Sunday for my group. Also, it seems a lot easier for me to work at school than at home. There just isn't a good work space for me there. In any case, I wouldn't go home until Sunday night, so it really doesn't matter right now.

You know, I wish I could write this fast on my book. Somehow, I just don't worry so much if I sound like an idiot in my blog, even though I can't edit it again before it's seen. Yet my story, which will undergo quite serious editing before I'm done, I worry about. I edit as I write, not typing anything until I'm sure it's what I want to say. It's really starting to annoy me that it takes all day to write 2000 words this way. (Well, that includes an hour each for lunch and dinner, sometimes longer depending on who all I run into.) But I'm so close now. Maybe I could just buckle down and get it done.

It's weird. Everyone around me is getting so much done for their futures. Tiff got a great internship for spring semester, and Audrey is already assured one for the summer. Adam is done applying for grad school and just needs to hear back from them. Me? I still don't know what I'll be doing this summer or even what I should try for. I talked to Mark the other day about going the library route, and he had lots of good advice, but not very much of it helps me right now. Maybe it's still too early to know where I'm going or how I'm getting there. I feel like I'm driving down an interstate at night (which I hate, by the way), only able to see the road right in front of me, not any farther. It's an exercise in faith, I suppose, to keep moving down a road I can barely see. Is this the point where I set the cruise control and just keep going, or do I need to put on a burst of speed and pass that minivan in the slow lane? I keep hoping the sun will rise so I can see the whole path before me, but it shows no signs of appearing yet. Maybe it's for the best. After all, life would get boring if I could see it all ahead of me. I suppose I'll just have to keep my eyes peeled for those helpful little green signs that are only visible as you zip past them.

-Kim


Quote of the Day from Corinne at lunch:
"We want to learn to live like the Native Americans, using every part of the buffalo. We'll just take the head."