New toys, same old thoughts

We put my backpack in the trash today. This year I opted to just get a new one rather than add another layer of ducktape to hold the bottom together on the blue one. My new bag is a bit smaller, and it's yellow. I know, I know, the fact that it's not green sort of shocked me too. But the beautiful green one was about $70. There's no way I was going to pay that when I could get a good bag for less than one-third of the price. Though if the pretty green one ever goes on sale...

Anyway, I also got a new set of tires put on my car last night. It runs a lot smoother now. Oh, and it's still unnamed. Therefore, the suggestion box is still open.

I only have four shifts left in the salad bar for the summer. I'm starting to be worried for the department because of all the employee turnover we've had lately. A lot of the old-timers (which includes me) are leaving, either for good or for the school year. And very few of the new hires are shaping up at all yet. But somehow, the'll pull through. I'm thinking of applying at Judson next summer. Unless I find something more interesting, like an internship or a job in my field.

The other night I saw a deer jump across the road not far in front of me on my way home from work. Two deer, actually. It was a doe and her fawn, and they were gorgeous. Yes, I was on the outskirts of town by the bike path, so wildlife isn't unhead of there, but it was the first time i'd actually seen any there.

I got a letter from the music department the other day that made me nervous. The new choir guy sounds nice enough, but the cand director is making me nervous. He expects us to know every possible scale and prepare a solo piece for our audition. That's two weeks from now. I haven't really played my flute this summer, since the salad bar kept me from being in the community band, and I haven't had flute lessons since high school. I don't have a solo prepared. I don't even own sheet music for a flute solo of any dificulty level, let alone something that would impress a guy who's been in the symphony. And since my grammar class will make me late to band twice a week, I feel in danger of losing my chair. I'll still be in charge of uniforms, or course, since I'm the onl one who knows how to do that stuff right now, but I really doubt I'll hold on to my spot as concertmistress. And maybe I'm overreacting. I mean, not everyone in the band takes lessons, and few of them are music majors. It could just be that this guy doesn't understand what sort of a program he's stepping into. We work hard to get participants in this band at all, we don't expect everyone to be technical whizzes. But the concerts always come out sounding good. All the same, it makes me nervous.

This letter came only one day after I had a sudden panic about how many things I have left to "finish" before going back to school. I haven't practiced my violin nearly enough this summer. I'm almost afraid to face Maria again. But I'm not a music major, and I'm not even going to be a music minor anymore. Practice should not take over my life. I should focus on my writting. These are my rationalizations, but I still miss playing. I have this irrational thought in my head that I can't play and write both in the same day. Logically, I know that there should be plenty of time in a summer day to do both, and spend a good ammount of time on both. But still the fear persists. If I play my violin, will I lose my chance of ever finishing my book in time? If I write, do i lose my chance of ever becoming a truly great musician? Did I ever have a chance at either dream, or is it better to languish in the middle ground and be mediocre in both areas? I know I'm being melodramatic, but it helps to say these things sometimes if only to prove to myself how irrational my own thought process can be.

I've been doing a lot of writing lately and have two-and-a-bit new chapters at the very beginning of my book. I need maybe two more before it can flow into what is already written, with further changes, of course. I was hoping to get more of this done sooner, but no time was ever right. The ideas work better now, and I think I may be able to finish the changes before we go back to school. If I'm not too distracted by other things, that is. Again I face the dilema of time. Sometimes I feel like a slave to time. I wrote a lovely journal entry about that the other day that I might share with you another time.

Apparently Dale Larson has offered to give the Brookings school district a whole heap of money to build a new school. He thinks they ought to build an elementary school out where the kids are and turn Central elementary into a science museum. (He also wants to buy the older school and do the museum project himself.) I think it's a great idea. We could use a better school in a better location. And Central would be a great place for something like a science museum, situated as it is by the library and community cultural center. Mr. Larson (who owns the sompany my dad works for) has already done a lot for this community. He brought in Izhak Perelman to do a concert, he gave us our water park, and now he wants to help give us a new school and science museum. He's made good money with a successful business, and he puts it to good use. (He does great things for his employees, too. Like giving them a rec center to use for free with their families.) He is an amazing example of good stewardship. Hearing about what he has done and wants to do makes me consider my own spending habits. Am I putting what money I have to good use? Interesting typo. I accidentally wrote "god use" instead. But that's really what I mean, isn't it? Am I using my resources the way God would have me? I was at Wal-Mart today, and I bought things for school, fun things, maybe things I don't even need. Should I be using what I have to increase my CD library? And what about the resources I have besides money? What about my time? I know I gripe about not having enough time to do what I want to do, but do I give enough of my time to do what God wants to do through me? Am I using the opportunities he gives me to touch people, or am I running through life looking for the next place to stop and take care of myself? I know that more often than not, I'm more worried about making good time than making my time good. Then there's the resource of talent. We know the parable about the servants and the talents, so I won't go into it here. But the question remains: am I burrying my talent in the ground and keeping it all for myself, or am I using it, and through use increasing it to do more good? Not lately. At least not all of them. But I try. Maybe not every day, but I try to remember that what I do in this life does matter. Sometimes we need reminders and good axamples to keep us moving in the right direction. So thank God that there still are good examples out there to spur us on!